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An Exploratory Analysis of a Hypothetical National Teleportation System
Maybe it’s because I recently got back from a vacation involving an 18-hour drive, or maybe because I don’t really like flying all that much, but lately I have been thinking about how cool it would be...
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Love and Hate (ok, mostly hate) for Whole Foods
Have you ever been to a Whole Foods store? If you don’t know what it is, it’s a chain of “organic” grocery stores that offer a lot of specialty and frou-frou food products. A lot of people love those...
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Juror Number Six
In a month and a half I’ll be thirty-one, and until this year I have managed to never be summoned for jury duty. In 2011 I’ve been called three times. The most recent summons actually resulted in my...
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Anatomy of a Dumbass Facebook Status Update
Facebook is full of useless status messages, as we all know, but lately a certain type of message has really been getting under my skin. You know, the updates that talk about how good the poster is,...
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I Think the Anti-Smoking Crusade has Reached the End of its Useful Life
Once upon a time, anti-smoking campaigns had a purpose. They sought to ban smoking in certain places (airplanes or government buildings for example) because of the well-documented health risks...
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Zombie Walk Detroit 2011 – After Action Report *Updated*
It’s October. The air is getting cool (or it least it should be, damn global warming), the leaves are changing, and the soft moans of “Braaaains…” are in the air. That’s right, it’s time for World...
View ArticleContemplating Yet Another Completely Absurd Apocalyptic Scenario
I was watching television the other night and a commercial for one of those rinky-dink smart cars came on the TV (see above) and caught my eye. The commercial features a guy being attacked by all the...
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I’m a Horrible Person, and So Are You
The other night I was in line at the grocery store. Behind me I heard a mother chiding her kid, saying “Don’t stare! It’s rude to stare.” Now a normal, well-adjusted, non-terrible person would...
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Lance Armstrong is a Cheating Asshole
At this point you’ve surely heard the news that Lance Armstrong has public admitted to doping. This really chaps my ass because I used to really like the guy. He was inspirational. He beat testicular...
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Why Your Cable Bill is so Goddamn High
I ordered VOIP service from Comcast the other day, and the lady who sold it to me said I would be getting a new cable modem in the mail, along with a return address label so I could mail back the old...
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